Neverland
by kinzeylee
Summary: She's running out of happy thoughts. A darker look on Clara and the Doctor's relationship. Spoilers for season seven finale.


AN: This could be taken as a darker sequel to Anthology, but it doesn't have to be. Spoilers for "the Name of the Doctor"

**Neverland**

She's running out of happy thoughts.

**i.** This was the story of Wendy, and of how an ageless boy flew down one night and whisked her away. He showed her the wonders of the universe and this, this-

-is not that story. Not anymore.

**ii.** The change is slow, magma under the crust, but cold and frosty on her skin. She feels it first in the submarine. He looks at her (looks through her) like he expected so much more. _I can't be brave all the time_, she wants to tell him. She shivers inside the coat she's been given. It's cold down here.

**iii.** "He has a sliver of ice in his heart," she says, and Clara feels the cold creep across her skin. She can't find the words to respond, and instead just clutches the hot cup in her hands. He doesn't really feel that way towards her, does he? No, no, he can't. He wanted her to come away with him after all. _Ulterior motives_, a slippery voice whispers in her head. She tries to ignore it. She can't.

**iv.** She saves his life, _twice_, thank you very much. It wasn't easy either. First, she had to get into the bloody Tardis. She doesn't know what it's problem with her is, but really? Does it have to give her trouble right now?

She crashes into the bubble universe and snatches him back all by herself (well, almost) and he grabs her and encloses her in a fierce hug. It feels real and good, and she can almost forget Emma's words.

But then she catches him starring at her in that strange way of his, like he's seeing something else, and she remembers what he said to her before.

_You are the only mystery in this Universe that is worth solving._

She would have been flattered, if it hadn't been for the shadow in his eyes and the steel in his voice.

She sighs quietly, and her breath turns to frost.

**v.** Maybe the Tardis is jealous. After all, she had the Doctor to herself for God knows how long, before he showed up at Clara's doorstep. Sometimes she moves Clara's room around, and other times won't let her enter.

But this is new.

She wakes up far away from where she had been, buried under pieces of metal, in a corridor she doesn't recognize. The Tardis must have drawn her further in during the crash. But why? To keep her safe? Or for some other reason?

She pushes the debris away and gets to her feet, wincing as she finally feels the pain of the burn she got from the short metal cylinder.

It sears her skin, like ice in the palm of her hand.

**vi.** She used to think she was the metaphorical Wendy, the girl who flew away with the ageless boy to Neverland. It was magical. Of course, sometimes she got into terrible danger, and her means of transportation was often grouchy and jealous, but in the end they saved the day. All they had to do was clap their hands and believe.

Now, she's wondering if she misjudged her fairytale. She remembers another story, of a girl dressed in red who strayed from the forest path. She became lost in the Wild Wild Woods, and it was there in the dark that she met the Big Bad Wolf. He took her hand and devoured her soul.

When the Doctor looks at her, and through her, like she's empty, like she's hollow, she wonders if it's already gone.

**vii.** His fingers grip into her shoulders and his eyes hold a maniacal gleam as he shakes her.

_A trick? A trap?_

She has no idea what he's talking about.

All she knows is that she's running out of happy thoughts.

**viii.** There's something in her mind that she just can't seem to touch. It's old and new and so, so powerful. It is the answer to the question, the oldest question in the Universe, the one that must never be answered, the question hidden in plain sight.

She once held that power in the space between her lips. She once knew the answer, in a different timeline, on a day lived twice. Now she can't even remember it.

(But it lingers, somewhere in the corners of her mind, along with all those other things she cannot see. It returns to her, in shadowed dreams of the past and future, where she burns and falls.)

As she sleeps, her lips trace the outline of the word, never quite saying it all the way.

**ix.** _You're not scared of me_, he says, his eyes gleaming out at her from pale skin and jagged metal.

_No_, she replies with certainty. She is not.

Many things scare her, but there is only one person in this infinite universe that she is scared of.

This creature is not him.

**x. ** He calls her pretty and impossible, and she demands to know what he means (about the second one, of course.) He tells her nothing, and only fuels her curiosity further. The real Doctor is even less helpful.

Impossible.

She likes the sound of it, and murmurs it a couple of times to herself at night as she's lying in her bed trying to sleep. She drifts into dreams, the word playing on her lips.

And in her dreams she's in the dark and endless forest, draped in red – except this time is different. This time, she is not the victim, but the wolf, disguised in girls' clothing. She crooks her finger and he follows, and there in the Wild Wild Woods she devours his soul.

She wakes up screaming, and when she finally manages to stop, she stays huddled up in her bed.

She has never felt so cold.

**xi.** In Neverland, she used to be able to fly. Now, no matter how much she claps, no matter how much she says "I believe," nothing happens. She's run out of fairy dust.

She hears the ominous tick-tock of the clock, and knows that something is about to happen. The beast, ever lurking just beneath the surface, is emerging, and together she and her ageless boy are swept up into the currents of destiny and pulled away.

The water is ice cold and bone deep, but she doesn't shiver; she's too used to the temperature, she feels it every day. The water pours down her throat and threatens to drown her completely, and she gasps for air as they are pulled deeper, faster, into the rapids.

But no matter what, no matter how cold it gets, she would never leave him. She would never let him die. She is not Wendy (hasn't been Wendy for a long time) but she is no longer afraid (of anyone, not even him.) She is the girl draped in red who got lost in the deep forest, in the Wild Wild Wood (_I don't know where I am_) but she is not the victim. And also, she discovers, she is not the Wolf. She is the Impossible girl, Souffle girl, an echo split across all of time. She leaps into the light without a second thought. She falls.

She came down on a leaf, and the reason she was born is to save the Doctor.

And now her story is done.

* * *

The clock strikes eleven, and she falls unto the ground amid yellow vapor. She doesn't know where she is, or who she is, and she chokes on her tears and the dust coating the air.

And then suddenly she hears him, his voice, calling her to him after all this time, after all these lives.

She collapses into his arms as the clock strikes eleven, and even though she knows that something is wrong, so terribly wrong, she closes her eyes in contentment.

His arms, wrapped around her, are finally warm.


End file.
